The Late Post on Oppositelock!

"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce) 09/11/2014 at 23:19 • Filed to: None

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Trying something a little different here. Got the idea while making fun of the daily car news with some friends of mine and decided to type this out and see how it goes. Hope you enjoy!

Welcome everyone to the first post of "The Late Post"! Things are still under construction here on Oppositelock. As you can see this post lacks a functional header image, the structure is a bit weak, and it will really need a lot of general upgrades and little fixes before anything good comes out of this. So basically, this series right now is a fox body mustang. Hi-yoooooooooooooooo!.......Please don't send the mustang fans after me, I hear flowmaster equipped modular V8s with cobra replica bumpers on my drive to work every day. Last thing I need is a whole crowd of them swarming my house.

So, I woke up this morning, trudged into work for my second to last day at my godforsaken shit job......I'll hold for the e-applause you're doing to your screen....But I'm at my desk, checked my emails, and had a whole lot of nothing going on. Checked my phones and no messages or calls. No instructions left anywhere. I still have three projects to finish up and no guidance or instructions as to what to do. Then I saw the news on the F1 radio information ban and realized that my boss was trying out the latest fad in communication and leadership and it all made sense. I knew my boss was always incompetent, but even this move was a surprise. Of course we all know Ferrari is going to find some way around this. Judging by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , I can only imagine the messages being sent at the next race. " Fernando, our tire strategy is for you to NOT shift into 5th after turn 7. Do you understand?"

I really shouldn't be too hard on Ferrari right now, I mean Montezemolo has just left over disagreements with Marchionne but can you blame the guy? Marchionne wants Ferrari to sell more so he can afford his! What, you think the Fiat corporate discount applies to an F12? Pah! Besides, the writing was on the wall a few days ago. Montezemolo was complaining about the brand being too "American" while Marchionne was trying to push out more units. The final straw? Selling Ferrari power units to Haas F1! You can just see it now - Montezemolo lounging on a beautiful Italian beach at sunset, enjoying the last of the summer's eves. When he sees the email that the team agreed to sell their engines to a bunch of drunken cowboys and rednecks in North Carolina. I can also then see him immediately spitting out his moderately priced glass of wine all over the body of the 17 19 year old sunbathing girl next to him, ruining her !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Okay, okay, one last bit about Ferrari for the night. Since everyone and their magazines are doing "Top 5 ferrari" lists for Montezemolo's reign, I decided to do my own.....Only I went a bit "different" for mine. My rule was that no matter what, you had to be able to say you owned a Ferrari and hot wheels/die cast cars didn't count. So here we go, my top 5 "Ferraris" during Montezelomo's reign.

5. Hasselblad H4D Ferrari Edition - How badly do you want to tell people that you own a ferrari.......camera? Cause BOY do you have to want it a lot to shell out US $10,000 on top of an initial US $20,000 purchase price for a bit of red paint on a camera.

4. Ferrari Acer One - For being the brand's way of saying that you own a Ferrari laptop, I don't know if having one of the slowest laptops you can buy for the money made for good branding. But hey, fake carbon fiber!

3. Kaspersky Ferrari Special Edition - Because I know that when I think about antivirus software for a computer, I want to make SURE it is associated with a brand who makes products that spontaneously catch on fire.

2. Ferrari F355 Challenge Arcade - I mean no irony or anything with this selection. It's just awesome. Loved this game. Even better were the three-screen cabinets where you could look out the side windows. Still the only time I've "driven" a gated manual. It would have gotten number 1 but....wow number 1 was hard to top.....

1. BaByLiss Pro Ferrari Challenge Edition Hair Dryer - THE ELECTRIC MOTOR IN THE DRYER IS BRANDED WITH V12! Seriously, how manly is that? That was put there to encourage insecure, heterosexual men to dry and style their hair because "Oh I used a V12 dryer to do it!".

Hooooooo boy, if that all happened when they were fighting being "American" I can't wait to see what Fiat will come up with next with a Ferrari badge on it. Thankfully you can still drive virtual Ferraris in games like the upcoming Forza Horizon 2. Since Forza is an Xbox exclusive launch, I was quite relieved to see that the Xbox One dropped the requirement for Kinect. Knowing our luck, the game would include "Backseat driver detection" and punish you if your friends are giving you advice in a race. But there would be a way around it you just need to drive a Ferrari and it would all be fine. Now, if you drive a McLaren then you'd get all the information on all your opponents cars and then lose all your credits and any championship points you earn. Isn't realism great?

Thank you for reading everyone, GOOD NIGHT OPPO!

Well that ends this little experiment. Thoughts? Suggestions? Contributions?

claramag, Mustaco Master > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 09/11/2014 at 23:28

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I think I'm a little too tired to fully comprehend this article. But I like. I think.

Dunnik > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 09/12/2014 at 00:18

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You know, for a brand that claims to want to maintain a high level of prestige and exclusivity, they sure whore themselves out with the merchandising.